The highlight of my week was loving on a WEEK OLD BABY!!!! (The picture is just a picture, it isn't Baby L). His mom and I are the dearest of friends. We are practically the same person. We are the same size, build, and coloring. Our brains think the same way. We have similar majors. We were meant to be twins. This sweet new mom invited me to come over and for an hour I got to hold Baby L and just stare at him.
He is beautiful. He is soft. He is pure. He fits in my arms. It felt natural to have him curled up in my arms. Instantly, I loved Baby L.
This was one of the most surreal hours of my life. I knew about this baby boy before anyone else in the world (no joke, hubby and Twin Mommy knew, and then it was me). It was just the idea of him. The intangible idea that he was there, but not even visible enough for technology to see.
I saw Twin Mommy a week and a half ago, and now he is here. Breathing, sleeping, making noises, and existing in this big world.
I asked Twin Mommy if it felt real yet, or just babysitting,
Babysitting, for sure.
She explained how her thoughts had evolved and how this probably wouldn't be accepted as reality for quite a while. She is a mom. A person completely responsible for the life of another being. A being that has infinite and divine potential. Little Baby L will not go away. He will FOREVER be in Twin Mommy's charge.
And instantly, I was scared. I have always wanted to be a mother, always wanted that responsibility...but now I was scared. Here is a girl, who is just like me in every way, but now she has this infinite and eternal responsibility. Instantly I felt incompetent. Instantly I felt like retreating and not moving forward.
I didn't like that feeling. I did not like that the most wonderful creation in the world was in my arms, and I was nervous. I questioned myself. I questioned my ability to be who Heavenly Father wants me to be. That was so not the feeling I intended to have yesterday.
But Twin Mommy is amazing. She looked at me and could discern my thoughts.
"But you are not alone. This will be your stewardship. You are entitled to revelation about this. It is not what the world calls "Mother's Intuition"...it is divine revelation given to you, the mother, to do what is right for each child. You do what Heavenly Father inspires you to do. And you are successful."
Look at that, only a week, and Twin Mommy is already growing and maturing, and becoming a better steward. She is my hero.
3 comments:
Oh the range of emotions involving motherhood. But truly she is right, the Lord called you to be a mother and he will not leave you alone. It is still hard work and overwhelming at times but amazing and wonderful and life changing as well. I try to remind myself that they are His children first and He will help me if I ask and listen to His promptings. Motherhood changes us so much. (I think that is some of wonder and miracle of it all, I don't think I could learn some of life's important lessons without being a mother. Truly God put us in families for divine purposes). I have some amazing resources that have helped and encouraged me, when you are ready for them! What an awesome opportunity to snuggle a soul so fresh from our Heavenly Father. One of the most amazing feelings in the world. Though I'm done having kids, there are days I long to snuggle a newborn. But all as it should be, God is good.
Leigh, considering you are my family now, you may snuggle my newborns any time you want!
Awesome! I'll plan on it!
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