Sunday, July 27, 2014

A new look at Selfishness

Don't take naps after results in an inability to sleep at the end of the night. 

Last night I found myself trying to wind down...but unable to sleep. I stumbled onto a British TV show, about out of control teens going to live with "the world's strictest parents" across the globe. 

The episode I watched happened to be a family in Toole, Ut. They were obviously LDS...and handled the opportunity different from other parents. This family had "strict" least by the standard of the world...But I thought they seemed rather understandable. These parents ruled their home with love, and focused on showing honor and respect.

They had one particular concept they were trying to instill in the teens who had come to live with them. When the teenagers would storm off cussing and screaming and pouting, the parents would talk to the camera and explain their thoughts.

The mind blowing thought:
Having a fit is being selfish.


What? Explain that one too me. I don't get it.

Thank heavens they did explain....

When a child is throwing a fit, what message are they trying to convey?
"I am mad."
"I want something."
"You aren't doing what I want."
"My desires are more important then your rules."
"If I don't get what I want, then I am going to throw a fit."

The child sees their own feelings/wants/"needs" as being supreme to all other elements of life.

"I should be able to do what I want...whenever I want. You are in my way. I get what I want, and I get it the moment I want it!"

This concept threw me for a loop. It opened a whole new realm of pondering and the purpose of behaviors, and how those behaviors affect people around you. (sounds exactly like a special ed teacher to me)

And then I was ashamed. This week we had a family get-together in the backyard. I tried to grill an onion...on the BBQ. (Laugh now...but obviously I learned that doesn't really work)...I was tired, hot, and grouchy. I kinda had a little complaining/pouting moment in front of the whole family...over this stupid non-grilled onion. If I had been a small child, I'm pretty sure I would have sat down and cried....rather hysterically. Now I feel terrible. Because I looked like a fool, and I really was being selfish.

"Oh poor me! I'm not getting what I want. Let me show you that I'm ticked about it!"

BLUH! I apologize for that everyone.

Who knew. Throwing a fit, is actually being selfishly minded.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


I tell my kids every day...They can choose to stay and participate with us in the lesson, or they can choose to cry in the hall. I assure them that we want all of our friends with us...and they make a choice.

To cry or to stay.

Today it has been a choice: to cry or to stay and join.

I'm choosing to join...

But you bet your bottom dollar, that every, single, moment, I am sorely tempted to sit down and cry.

Hard days are not normal for me. Yes I'm busy, and yes I can do hard things...but hard, ugly, don't talk to me, kind of days are not normal in my least not until practicum (student teaching) started.

I have had a hard day. At this point, do I cry or laugh....
I think I choose neither, because either one will make my headache worse.

(But just so you aren't worried...I would pick laugh.)
After a rotten day teaching, and a bug bite that itches to Texas and back, walking into the bathroom and finding a clogged toilet was simply too much.

At first I scowled. It was the I-Wish-I-Were-The-Living-Epitomy-Of-A-Romantic-Comedy....instead of doing this, sort of scowl.

But then I smiled. Why not? I mean, who else get's to unclog the toilet...that is perpetually clogged by an innocent 8 year old girl. (I mean seriously, I don't know how she is capable of that sort of thing on a weekly basis!)

I choose to smile. I choose to participate. I choose to pout for a bit, but then buck up and keep going.

I tell my kids, "Thanks for joining us! That was a good choice. You will be glad you joined it."

Someday I will be glad I joined in and decided to stop pouting.
Someday I will look back on the rotten day, huge bug bite, headache, and clogged toilet, and laugh.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

It profiteth him nothing

I have been in a funk. Not a good one....

One where scripture study disappeared. The scriptures did not, but study did. I told myself long ago I would never again go a day without connecting to the scriptures in some way....So when Student Teaching started last month, and my entire life blew up...I knew I had to keep my promise.

In a way I did. I made sure to read a verse every night...but it was usually just to cover my bases, and keep to my personal promise.

I confided in a dear friend, and she started to preach at me a bit about fixing my life up. I say preach, but really it was just a concerned friend, who knows the standards I have for myself, and knows I am capable of more then I was actually doing. It "felt" like preaching, because I was hardened. I had gone so long without drinking in the spirit of scripture study, that I felt guilty trying to even think about entering that world of total connection with Heaven. I didn't want to listen to her, because if I did, then I was in the wrong...and would feel even worse about myself.

I didn't like where I was. I didn't like what I was doing...or in reality, what I wasn't doing.

Today I had a small slap in the face. Lauren has decided to be endowed. And I realized I needed to be spiritually ready for how big of a day that will be.

It is just around the corner. I don't have much time.

I felt ashamed of where I had gotten. I sat thinking, and looked over, saw my tattered and beloved Book of Mormon, and picked it up.

I began to read. But this time, I wanted to.
And for the first time in WEEKS, I felt the connection to Heaven.
It was a few simple lines under my belt, and whooooosh! That peaceful beauty swept over my heart.

"All I needed was to want it? Really? That's all I had to do to feel that channel to Heaven...where my heart is joyful, and my mind is clear? Wow. Why was I so blind?"

Two verses later, I read: "except he shall do it with real intent it profiteth him nothing."
And I smiled.
Real intent. It makes all the difference.

Disclaimer: this is not a photo of my tattered but beloved copy...this is one I found on the internet

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Heavenly Father, the Supreme Teacher

Today I realized just how much teaching will prepare me for motherhood...It happened when someone made a comment during Sunday school about Heavenly Father being in charge of the big things, and the little things. I began to see how teachers live in a similar sphere: They are in charge of big things and the little details.

Heavenly Father is in control of all things...and teachers are in control of all things within their classroom.

Watch for the symbolism with God:
Teachers are responsible to keep the entire room going. They  make it a good environment for learning and change. It It looks pleasant. The room and teachers are organized. Teachers know all things about the space. Teachers know the final learning goal...they know the path to get there, and they know the specific skills needed to get to the final destination

But teachers are also in charge of  knowing each individual student: their personality, how personality affects learning, triggers and positive reinforcers, and all of the individual skills possessed. Teachers also have a knowledge of tricks, accommodations, and strategies to help that specific child.

Teachers are in charge of all things, on a grad scale, but they are also very aware of the  individual needs of each child. They run an organization, AND they minister to the one. Do you see the connection to Heavenly Father?