Sometimes I have a really hard time waiting for you to come home.
Sometimes I want to just see you and start laughing so hard that we cry....and then we just cry it all out.
Sometimes I think waiting for you until February won't be so bad...because tomorrow will be my 6 months home mark.
Sometimes I hate that I have been home that long.
Sometimes I am really glad that I have experienced the things I did over the last 6 months.
Sometimes I like to think about you, Sis. Leafty, Elder Huff, and the gnome.
Sometimes I laugh so hard about it I want to wet myself.
Sometimes I am not very happy.
Sometimes I am moapy.
Sometimes (most of the time) I don't know why.
BUT....sometimes I read my favorite book (Fire of the Covenant by G. Lund) and I become happy.
Sometimes I realized why I love that book.
Sometimes that book makes me feel empowered.
If you have not read Fire of the Covenant, it is about the Martin and Willie handcart companies. There is the cutest love story in it. I have always loved the strength of the Pioneers, and the enduring love between Maggie and Eric. But then something clicked this week....
I have been moapy and sad and not able to snap out of it. I was asking all sorts of questions to heaven, but not sitting still or being quiet enough to hear any answers. And I was feeling lonely.....
CLICK! MELINDA! Knock it off! You are pioneer strong! you have always been tough. you are being sissy. snap out of it. buck up and move forward. does moaping make you feel better? no. does complaining make your knees feel better? no. does wanting **** here make him show up? no. so put on your big girl panties, pick up the shafts of your handcart, and start walking up that hill. get to the top and start again! go. MOVE! now!...
and then I realized that I loved the love story because it is what I want. and not just that I like it, but that I WANT it. A slow love. a trusting love. an enduring love. A love that allows the stubborn and feisty girl to fall for the quiet and strong boy. when she can't push any longer, he knows how to inspire her. he knows when to carry her. he knows when she needs to be slapped to save her life (seriously that happens. She is getting delirious in the snow, and he slaps her to wake her up and keep her going.) MY MAN NEEDS TO KNOW HOW TO DO THAT.
But I won't be able to have that love story if I don't start acting strong like the pioneer woman I want to be.
Pioneer Strong.
I will be pioneer strong.
1 comment:
I love you. I love that you are figuring all these things out. You are amazing and I know the Lord has awesome plans for you, I'm excited to see it all play out. I learned along the way (and have to relearn it) that no matter how great the plans I dream up for myself, the Lord's plan for me is always better than what I can dream up.
So go to it girl, do all those things (pull up your big girl pants, etc) and move forward because you ROCK and I know you can do it. You have lots of people of love you and believe in you and if you ever need a reminder, you just call me!
One of my favorite quotes is "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." So be that pioneer woman...take charge of what you can control and hope and pray about the rest.
Sorry you probably weren't looking for a pep talk, but here it is anyway because I love you! (and because just writing it helps light the fire under me as well).
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