It profiteth him nothing

I have been in a funk. Not a good one....

One where scripture study disappeared. The scriptures did not, but study did. I told myself long ago I would never again go a day without connecting to the scriptures in some way....So when Student Teaching started last month, and my entire life blew up...I knew I had to keep my promise.

In a way I did. I made sure to read a verse every night...but it was usually just to cover my bases, and keep to my personal promise.

I confided in a dear friend, and she started to preach at me a bit about fixing my life up. I say preach, but really it was just a concerned friend, who knows the standards I have for myself, and knows I am capable of more then I was actually doing. It "felt" like preaching, because I was hardened. I had gone so long without drinking in the spirit of scripture study, that I felt guilty trying to even think about entering that world of total connection with Heaven. I didn't want to listen to her, because if I did, then I was in the wrong...and would feel even worse about myself.

I didn't like where I was. I didn't like what I was doing...or in reality, what I wasn't doing.

Today I had a small slap in the face. Lauren has decided to be endowed. And I realized I needed to be spiritually ready for how big of a day that will be.

It is just around the corner. I don't have much time.

I felt ashamed of where I had gotten. I sat thinking, and looked over, saw my tattered and beloved Book of Mormon, and picked it up.

I began to read. But this time, I wanted to.
And for the first time in WEEKS, I felt the connection to Heaven.
It was a few simple lines under my belt, and whooooosh! That peaceful beauty swept over my heart.

"All I needed was to want it? Really? That's all I had to do to feel that channel to Heaven...where my heart is joyful, and my mind is clear? Wow. Why was I so blind?"

Two verses later, I read: "except he shall do it with real intent it profiteth him nothing."
And I smiled.
Real intent. It makes all the difference.

Disclaimer: this is not a photo of my tattered but beloved copy...this is one I found on the internet