Today I had a missionary tender mercy. I went to a friend's homecoming talk, and a man who seemed kinda rough on the edges came and sat by me. He had a white shirt and tie on, but he had tattoos up and down his arms. He had experienced a hard life, but I could tell that he really wanted to be at church. He sat down during the opening announcements and I didn't get to talk to him.

He was obviously relatively new to the process, but he knew when to sing and when to bow his head for the Sacrament. During the sacrament the prompting to speak to him was powerful enough that I could not mistake it. 

BUT HOW IN THE WORLD ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO TTI SOMEONE WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF SACRAMENT MEETING?!??!?!? 

(tti: is an acronym from my mission. Teach Testify Invite)

But the opportunity arose, and I didn't miss it. I jumped on it and kept going. All throughout the meeting we had little whispered conversations. When it was over, he got my number and we decided to stay in contact. I told the friend who spoke (Chris) about it and he got all excited....because his dad is the Ward Mission Leader! Oh Happy Day! So I talked to his dad, and we came up with a small plan to work with this guy. His name is Alex and he was baptized as a kid, and he is trying to change his life around. I am going to come and visit every once and a while and I offered my help in teaching and befriending him.

WAHOO!! I love the feeling I get when I do missionary work. It was just a simple conversation, but it was a followed prompting, and that made all the difference.

Moments...

This was a Mormon Message video I discovered my first week in the MTC over 2 years ago. It inspired me deeply then, and it has inspired me ever since. I reflect on its images and message often. I may have previously shared this on the blog before, but I had the desire to share it again.

This time it was the quotes in the beginning of the clip that touched me most.

Cold Enough to Keep Moving Forward

If you read this often, then you know I am reading the Fire of the Covenant....which is my favorite book. It is about the Martin and Willie Handcart companies. The book is divided into sections relating the the challenges of the trip. Each starts with a quote that describes the general theme of that portion of the story. This is a Quote from Neal A. Maxwell, that describes the first winter storm that plagued the Handcart Saints.

"How could we expect to be joyous and to receive all that 'the Father hath' if we do not strive to become like Him? And, in fact, can we, on our scale, be like Him without sharing in the 'fellowship of his suffering'? He shares with us His work; does that not suggest the need for our sharing, too, some of the suffering?...

"If in all of this there is some understandable trembling, the adrenaline of affliction can help to ensure that our pace will be brisk rather than casual. His grace will cover us like a cloak-enough to provide for survival but too think to keep out all the cold. The seeming cold is there to keep us from drowsiness, and the gospel gladness warms us enough to keep going."

Do you feel a little cold? Don't worry. It keeps you moving forward. It helps you stay on your toes. Just rub your arms and start moving around: you will get busy and the cold will start to disappear.

Sometimes....

This is an excerpt from a letter I sent to Sister Kelsey Isaacson....Some Names have been omitted...

Sometimes I have a really hard time waiting for you to come home.

Sometimes I want to just see you and start laughing so hard that we cry....and then we just cry it all out.

Sometimes I think waiting for you until February won't be so bad...because tomorrow will be my 6 months home mark.

Sometimes I hate that I have been home that long.

Sometimes I am really glad that I have experienced the things I did over the last 6 months.

Sometimes I like to think about you, Sis. Leafty, Elder Huff, and the gnome.

Sometimes I laugh so hard about it I want to wet myself.

Sometimes I am not very happy.

Sometimes I am moapy.

Sometimes (most of the time) I don't know why.

BUT....sometimes I read my favorite book (Fire of the Covenant by G. Lund) and I become happy.

Sometimes I realized why I love that book.

Sometimes that book makes me feel empowered.

If you have not read Fire of the Covenant, it is about the Martin and Willie handcart companies. There is the cutest love story in it. I have always loved the strength of the Pioneers, and the enduring love between Maggie and Eric. But then something clicked this week....

I have been moapy and sad and not able to snap out of it. I was asking all sorts of questions to heaven, but not sitting still or being quiet enough to hear any answers. And I was feeling lonely.....

CLICK! MELINDA! Knock it off! You are pioneer strong! you have always been tough. you are being sissy. snap out of it. buck up and move forward. does moaping make you feel better? no. does complaining make your knees feel better? no. does wanting **** here make him show up? no. so put on your big girl panties, pick up the shafts of your handcart, and start walking up that hill. get to the top and start again! go. MOVE! now!...

and then I realized that I loved the love story because it is what I want. and not just that I like it, but that I WANT it. A slow love. a trusting love. an enduring love. A love that allows the stubborn and feisty girl to fall for the quiet and strong boy. when she can't push any longer, he knows how to inspire her. he knows when to carry her. he knows when she needs to be slapped to save her life (seriously that happens. She is getting delirious in the snow, and he slaps her to wake her up and keep her going.) MY MAN NEEDS TO KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. 

But I won't be able to have that love story if I don't start acting strong like the pioneer woman I want to be.

Pioneer Strong.

I will be pioneer strong.

More of the Aligning....

So, here is the First Miracle of The Aligning:

Jay lives outside Shiprock in the tiny/miniscule community of Mitten Rock. I was sent to Shiprock to find him. He was baptized as a child, and then his family stopped coming to church, and he lost contact with the Elders who baptized him. He is a sweet man. A little rough on the edges, but a wonderfully devoted man. He is an artist, and I have found joy in his paintings and pottery for 2 years now. (YUP. 2 Years. Its been about 3 weeks shy of the day I met Jay)

We connected on a deep spiritual level, and when I got transferred out of Shiprock, I promised to keep in contact. I did the best I could as a missionary, but I wasn't the most speedy or consistent. To my everlasting shame, he lost faith in my friendship, and when I got home, he wrote a letter saying good bye forever.

I was devastated. I didn't know what to do.

Then I saw his art at the Shiprock Flea Market. And there he was. And there I was, standing there in blue jeans and sandals in front of his stand. It took him a long time to register it was me standing in front of him.

 I won't share all the details, because it was a very tender and private moment...but he had been hurt, and I probably didn't deserve his forgiveness....and somehow this man had his heart softened and we were able to reconnect.

He forgave me.

And we were able to actually give proper good byes (aka: I finally got to hug him)

Aligning Stars

My stars aligned a week ago. Something miraculous happened....

I got a "generic" email from a past companion that she sends out to her weekly "fan club" and she briefly mentioned Leonard had passed his baptismal interview. I know a Leonard. Is it my Leonard? My eyes flashed across the screen to the time stamp. She sent it 3 minutes ago! She is probably still on!

My fingers flew as fast as they could type. "Sis. R, is this MY LEONARD?"

"yes"

(she isn't very eloquent when she emails)

BBWWAAAAHHHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Why did I freak out? 

Leonard is the very first person I taught on my mission! Sis Tsosie had me drop off my stuff at our trailer in Shiprock, and then we rushed off to a lesson. My first lesson. I can remember it perfectly.

The sky turned murky as we drove. As I stepped out of the car, a man slowly walked around a small pull-behind trailer. The wind caught my door, and it flew open with extreme force....but I was more preocupied with the fact that my skirt was now up around my face. By the time I got my skirt under control, I had sand in my eyes, ears, nose, teeth, EVERYWHERE. 

And I distinctly remember thinking, "What have I done? Why am I here! I just want to go home! ... NO! I can't give up on the first day, before my first lesson!"

So we taught him. And I felt the Spirit. And I did it. I realized I could teach. I could be a missionary. This would be tough, but it would totally be worth it. I would not back down.

We taught Leonard for 4 months. He was amazing. Lessons twice a week. He participated in Ward service projects. Church every sunday. Life was great. He was determined to stay sober (5 years without a drop of alcohol).

And then he told us he was moving. He moved one town over. Two days after he left I got a call...

...at 4am...

....and he was drunk....

I cried myself back to sleep.

I sent in the Elders to find him, but by the time they got there, they said he was a lost cause. 

I gave up hope. I felt that this beloved man was lost to me.

But then Sisters got put in his town, and they found him, and they taught him.

And by some miracle, he moved to Farmington....WHILE I WAS SERVING THERE! I taught Leonard again for a month before I went home. It was beautiful, but he was definitely not ready to get baptized.

But something changed after I left...and he was finally ready.

All of my stars aligned. I got work covered. Sis. Tsosie nearly exploded from excitement, and offered to drive us down. And we did. 

We stopped at the Shiprock Flea Market, and I had another miracle, but that is a story for another time. We got into Farmington, and I got to see those I loved for an hour. Then the baptism.

She gave the opening prayer. I gave the closing prayer. Leonard was different. He was changed. He was ready. And now, he was forgiven and clean. It was reaffirmed to me: IT WAS WORTH IT. thank heavens I didn't quit that first day. Look at how your life was changed.

New friends. A best friend. Finding the other half of me. Knowing the meaning of Love. Using the Atonement personally. Maturity. Testimony.

It was worth it.

I was in town for less than 24 hours, but it was the most blissful 24 hours of my life. I have never felt more love. EVER. I stayed with the Gish family. I mean, I stayed with my family in Farmington. They have adopted me. And I will be forever greatful to be a part of their family. They are incredible people. If there is any family in the world that I want to grow up to be like, its them. (thank heavens I am a part of theirs)

They accepted me with open arms. They let me use their car (THE NICEST THING I HAVE EVER DRIVEN!!) They enveloped me in their love. Papa drove Tosha and I around in his hot rod....LOVED IT! 

And I got to see Sis. Isaacson. She is my sunshine. She brought me back to life when we were companions a year ago. And she brought light back to my life just now. I didn't even know it was dark.I didn't know I was sad. I didn't know I was lost....but a half hour with her was enough to change me. To help me see the light. (this is a photo of 4 generations of Sister missionaries....from youngest to oldest. Mothers and daughters, trainers and trainees....too bad my trainer was an hour away and not in the photo.)

There is so much I still need to write about this trip. I want to share my insights with you...but my fingers are starting to get numb from all the typing....and its lunch time, and my tummy is rumbling. I will share with you. I will.

Stars aligned.

Saturday Morning

It is 8:05 am, and I have just sat down in the Harold B. Lee Library on campus. Its 8 AM!! On a SATURDAY!

But I had quite an interesting moment as I walked to the library doors just now.

I knew I needed all the time I could get in the library this morning, so I planned to get her just as the building opened. I timed my walk perfectly. For long stretches of time, I was the only person walking around campus this morning.

The sun has just barely risen above the mountains, and the light is about as magical as it comes. I was 15 steps from the front door, and the BYU bell tower started to chime. If you are not familiar with the bell tower, on the hour it plays the first few lines from Come, Come Ye Saints. I chuckled to myself as I opened the door and sang along in my head. It was as if the Library were calling to me:

"Come, come ye saints! No toil nor labor fear. But with joy, wend your way!"

Now isn't that fitting as I try to conquer the last of my assignments?