Saturday Morning

It is 8:05 am, and I have just sat down in the Harold B. Lee Library on campus. Its 8 AM!! On a SATURDAY!

But I had quite an interesting moment as I walked to the library doors just now.

I knew I needed all the time I could get in the library this morning, so I planned to get her just as the building opened. I timed my walk perfectly. For long stretches of time, I was the only person walking around campus this morning.

The sun has just barely risen above the mountains, and the light is about as magical as it comes. I was 15 steps from the front door, and the BYU bell tower started to chime. If you are not familiar with the bell tower, on the hour it plays the first few lines from Come, Come Ye Saints. I chuckled to myself as I opened the door and sang along in my head. It was as if the Library were calling to me:

"Come, come ye saints! No toil nor labor fear. But with joy, wend your way!"

Now isn't that fitting as I try to conquer the last of my assignments?

The Blessing of Lost Time

Last night I was reading a church related book before bed...and I realized I had been so busy for the last two months, I had really never given myself the time to ponder. I would push and work and trudge forward, doing the things Heavenly Father had told me to do.

I made time for the temple. I read my scriptures daily. I did my visiting teaching. I did the THINGS. But I did not give myself the time to ponder and think.

"Heavenly Father, I have tried to do all that you have asked. But I have starved myself in a way. I feel like I get little sips of the spirit every morning during scripture study, but I never feel that thirst quenched. I feel slightly hollow...even though I am doing all the right things. I promise, as soon as I get this last research paper and final done, I will take the time to slow down. I promise. I just need you to help me push through now. Help me to power through. Help me to get the sleep I need to stay focused and get my paper done today...."

I went to bed, ready to be proactive with my next day. I will get up at 6am...I will go to the library before work. I will not waste His time and resources He is providing me with. I will show Him I am thankful for His help.

I woke up at 8:30.

What have I done?!?! I wasted what he gave me!

Well....I can't do all of those wonderful things now. I will study some more today. Not only will I read my scriptures, but hey! I will read a conference talk too! I can't make up for the lost time, but I can do something good with it.

Lost Time....

No

He was giving me time.

He gave me time to be alone at home, to have silence. To have time to ponder. Time to pray. Time to reflect. Time to give my burdens over. Time to feel love.

Time to feel the thirst quenched.

He gave me time, by taking it away.

Future Hermana Sydney Lyman is my dearest friend in Blanding, Utah. She was Sister Maynez and my best friend. She is going to serve a mission in Washington, Spanish Speaking in October. She posted the most beautiful thing on her blog, and I just have to show you...

Good Bye Sister Maynez

Lifting Weights: Barbells and Trials

I have been reading "Believing Christ" for a while now. With my busy schedule, I get in a few pages here, and a few pages there. I had intended to fly through it, but with every moment of time budgeted, its incredible I have gotten this far.

Today I read something that totally clicked. It spoke directly to me, because 1) I have trained in a gym before, and 2) I am at the edge of my abilities. It all makes sense...

To quote Stephen E. Robinson:
"When I was in high school, I used to work out in the weight room....After doing all the repetitions with the barbell that I was able to, being on the brink of collapse, I would say to the spotter, "take it!" but the spotter would always say, "no, do one more!" Usually reaching way down deep I could in fact manage one more rep, after which I would say, "ok, take it!" again the spotter would rely, "no, do one more." No matter how many times I did just one more, the spotter would always reply,"just one more." This would continue until my muscles actually gave out, and then the spotter would grab the bar.

"...In a gym, both spotters and the lifters understand that the real power is gained on the last repetition, on the thin edge between what one can do and what one can't. By coaxing me into working at the limits of my abilities, the spotter helped me develop the power I was seeking.

"...One purpose of the Church is to perfect the Saints. Since we make the most progress by working at the limits of our abilities, then no matter how much we do or how well we do it, the Lord...will always ask for more, will always seek improvement, will always push us toward perfection."

Oooh. Its ok to struggle and say "help" but then realize the help is just an encouraging word while you try not to cry because what you are doing is so hard. Its actually the plan to push and push and push, even when you don't have anything left...because most of the time, you have at least something left. And when you hit that point where you can't lift the bar any higher, your muscles are shaking, your breath is almost gone, and nothing seems to do what your heart wants it to do - that's when your spotter steps in and takes the weight.

In that instant, you are thankful that the bar is out of your hands...but then the frustration comes: "HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TAKE IT SOONER?!?!?" And your spotter just smiles back, "But you did it."

Click. You did it. wow. I didn't realize I could do that much....And then the next day you are able to push yourself just a little bit more...and you are stronger then before.

Stronger.

Diddy #4: What Love IS

One of my family's favorite movies is Yours, Mine, and Ours (the 1968 version). It is an extremely entertaining movie about blending 2 VERY large families, and the lessons learned by having so many children under one slightly leaky roof.

I think of quotes from that movie often, and its quite sad that more people don't know what I am referencing when I use them. Yesterday and today I have been thinking about what proves you love someone. How do you show it? How do you know what's real and what's silly? How do you know what's worth fighting for?

This scene from Yours, Mine, and Ours popped into my head. The oldest daughter picks a particullary busy, but perfect time to ask her stepfather about what true love is. I LOVE his answer.

"It isn't going to bed with a man that proves you are in love with him...its getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful, everyday world with him that counts."

I want to face the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world side by side with my best friend... I may look slightly scary in the morning...I may forget to push the start button on the dishwasher...I may bake crusted edges and mushy center brownies...but I want to walk through that life together.

Diddy #3: pucker, pout, or priss

I just came across this...do you need a smile? I did.

Motherhood

I love to wonder onto LDS.org on Sundays. This is the message on Motherhood that was posted for this week. I spent the day with my mother...and her mother....I had intended to be a source of light and joy for them....but instead I was the one who had a load removed as tears were shed. Even though I try so hard to be an adult, and to be tough, and to handle things myself, those women were still being the Mothers I needed. It was their big day, and they spent it loving on me.

My greatest desire is to be mother. I don't just want to be a mom. I want to be a righteous Mother in Zion. I want to be there. I want to experience it all. The late nights, early mornings, cold food, soiled beds, smelly socks, and cheerios spilled in the car. I want to fulfill the Purpose Heavenly Father designed for me. I want to teach my children about Christ. I want them to hear that I know who He is. I want them to seek Him.

So for now, I seek Him.