Life Moves On

I started off writing about 15 missionaries when I got home...and now it is down to two.  The odd thing is, I'm ok with that. It has taken me a long time to realize that my official missionary service is done. I have different responsibilities now. I have a new focus in life, and its alright for life to keep moving. 

 

Sometimes it hurts. Today it hurt. Mother's day was supposed to be joyful, but for me it was sorrowful. 

I ached for the children next door who lost their mother this last year. 

I ached for my own lost dreams.

I ached from personal hurt.

Life moves on...and sometimes it hurts.

But sometimes its ok. Sometimes it moves in a totally different direction then you think it will...but that's ok.

I wrote those two missionaries today. One of them comes home in a few weeks. We have written often about the transition home...and how secretly wonderful it is to be a missionary. I wanted to include some of my thoughts from that letter: 

"But just a word of caution...Life does not move on the same time table for post mission life. You will come home fired up and ready to blaze a trail! Go to school, volunteer, serve, temple work, dating, marriage, family, career, lifetime of selfless and perfect service, grandparenting, and celestial kingdom. Its all mapped out in your head right? And there is a part of you that expects it to work out mostly as planned, but maybe with a couple trials thrown in there....

"Life doesn't always play out like how we envision it while wearing the badge. And when we don't achieve the plan we had set up, we start to feel like we aren't progressing. Oh no! I can't believe Heavenly Father hasn't dropped me as an investigator, because I'm not moving forward! At least not at the speed I wanted to! What is wrong with me?

"Nothing is wrong with you. Life is different without the magic of the tag. Progression happens differently here. Endurance and patience take on new definitions. Faith becomes an integral part of your spiritual cell structure, and instead of constantly and actively thinking about it...you live it...day in day out...monotony and all. And that's ok. In fact, that's good. Because your role will change. And your life will go different directions then you thought. Which is ok too. Its probably better. (well...as long as you continue to make righteous choices."

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Right now, I hurt. It may not feel like life is better then I envisioned it. But I can't see my ending right now. This too will pass. And I will continue to move forward. I will continue to serve. To work. To try. Walk. The ache will leave, and I will find myself in a better place. It won't be where I envisioned myself while I wore my tag, but it will be a good place.